How To Make Your Blog Boring As Fuck

With so many newcomers jumping aboard the blogging bandwagon, I’m really discouraged by the fact that there aren’t more boring blogs out there. The amount of interesting content we have on the web now is overkill, pure and simple.

If you’re like me (and I’m willing to bet you are), then you’d rather resentfully wade through paragraph after paragraph of mediocre drivel than exert the effort required to be engaged by a talented author. The web is in dire need of some toning down.

Here are a few ideas about how to make your blog more boring!

1. Write About Yourself and Write for Yourself

There’s nothing as intolerable as helpful content that teaches, entertains or informs while also exuding a particular relevance to my life. Bloggers should be exalting all the menial events and tasks that interrupt their day. This includes (but is not limited to):

1. Anything and everything your pet does.
2. What you are eating at any given time.
3. Cryptic details about your latest breakup.
4. Which Justin Bieber album you’re currently listening to.

The less you focus on me, the reader, the better off you’ll be in the long run since you’ll have an accurate record of your meaningful life.

2. Stop Focusing On One Topic

Nothing irks me like a blog that’s well-organized. A blogger I can peg down is a blogger I don’t want to read. Everything you post should be from a “Stream of Consciousness” kind of narrative, you know? Make me work to figure out who you are and what you’re about. Talk about your job today then your lawnmower tomorrow and then give me a good old rant about why Digimon is so clearly superior to Pokémon. (I’ll give you a hint: it’s the advantages of the Digivolution over the simple evolution mechanic presented in Pokémon.)

3. Don’t Bother with Good Design

A WordPress blog isn’t really a blog without that too-narrow width and that beautiful blue default header with the tasteful gradient. Differentiation is overrated. So is personality. The more you look like every other cobbled-together piece of shit out there, the better off we all are. No thinking outside of the box. Keep it plain. Keep it simple.

4. More Google Ads, Damn It!

I never get tired of those, especially when you put them in the middle of your content…

And above it…

And below it.

If you aren’t giving your ads precedence over your content, you are doing yourself and your blog a huge disservice. The more Google ads you put up, the more likely one of your readers is to accidentally click on one thinking it’s part of your post. Who knows, by the end of the year you could have earned tens of dozens of cents.

Seriously, though.

I hope it’s abundantly clear that this post is pure sarcasm. I’ve run across all of these problems while scouting out new blogs today. If you want a blog to succeed, do the opposite of everything I’ve said in this post.

For non-sarcastic blogging tips, check out my free ebook, 5 Essential Steps to Becoming an Awesome Blogger, by clicking this link and entering in your email.

Photo by Bennigan

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