How Not To Handle The Hard Times

Everybody experiences slumps. Large chunks of time that are devoid of motivation and productivity are inevitable and any number of things can trigger them: financial struggles, work-related problems, family trouble, bad business decisions and so on. My own slumps tend to be triggered by the unfortunate circumstances that arise from freelancing for complete and utter douchebags.

These slumps aren’t all bad, though. In fact, there’s much that can be learned from them and, for me, 2009 has been a very educational year. I’ve experienced firsthand the consequences of badly handling the really hard times, so much so that I now consider myself a foremost expert on inappropriately gauging and responding to tough situations.

So if you currently find yourself in a state of unmotivated unproductive hopelessness and wish nothing more than to toss yourself deeper down the black, depressive abyss, keep reading… this list contains a treasure trove of very useful information.

Disengage from Community

If you are doing anything that involves people, just stop. Any relationships you’ve built or friendships you’ve fostered, abandon them. They’ll hinder your objectives by making you realize that the things you are doing are beneficial to society and that you have to persevere through any obstacles since they are, after all, only temporary setbacks. People, especially those you might call friends or colleagues, have a sickening knack for helping you regain your self-esteem and get motivated. If you don’t forgo friendships, you’ll be productive again in no time.

Let Your Idealism Flourish

Nothing guarantees failure like some Jesus-sized objectives. Opt out of making a living entirely and instead focus on living only the most flawless, ideologically impeccable life possible. Sure it’s impossible, but success isn’t what you’re aiming for. Idealism will make your goals so broad and overwhelming you’ll actually lose faster.

Reinvent the Wheel (and Make It Square This Time)

You’ve likely had at least some success before now. If that’s the case, you’ll have many things “working out” that shouldn’t be. Discontinue techniques that have proven successful until now and replace them with poorly planned alternatives so that, when it all come crashing down, you’ll be that much more devastated.

Make Up Lies About Anyone Who Has Achieved The Lifestyle You Want

They’re location independent, you say? Probably because they’re on the run after murdering babies with poached narwhal tusks (which they’ve since sold on the black market to fund their journeys). They have a successful business, you say? Clearly, they’ve enslaved a colony of African albino dwarves in order to develop an ungodly amount of information products. The truth is, if you can’t have nice things, no one can… morally anyway.

Remind Yourself How Much You Suck

Things haven’t worked out for you thus far, why should they any time soon? You need to show yourself who’s boss… you know… really put you in your place. You are a failure and you always will be. There’s no hope for you. Nothing you want is attainable.

If you want to fail at life, I can guarantee from experience that these methods work because these five tips summarize my life in the last two months. I do suppose though that if you did the opposite of these suggestions, you might be successful.

But who wants that, right?

[Note: You might have noticed this post is a list of sorts. I'm ending the no-lists nonsense. Wage Slave Rebel is going to start publishing only for you, the readers, from here on out. If you like what you've read here, please by all means subscribe!]

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