[Photo by: CentralAsian]

After two years, I can definitively say that this “fake it till you make it” business just isn’t for me. Not because it isn’t a worthwhile attitude. It most certainly is! But what if the thing you are faking isn’t the thing you want to do at all. What if you find out it doesn’t reflect the sort of things you want to do, the sort of places you want to visit or the kind of person you want to be?

That’s where I’m at.

Lifestyle Designer

I used to look at myself as a lifestyle designer, but I’ve been moving away from that title for a good while now because it doesn’t mean anything. Anyone currently alive actively designs their lifestyle, for good or for bad. If you’ve ever made a choice, you’re a lifestyle designer. I think we are all quite aware that the term itself was coined by Tim Ferriss in order to set himself at the top of a non-existent field, so I’m not entirely sure why we’ve decided to run with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Tim Ferriss well enough and he deserves every bit of success he gets. I would have done the same in his place. But that doesn’t negate the fact that “Lifestyle Design” has no definition and, thus, no foundation. How can I build the life I want on top of ambiguity? “Lifestyle Design” as a term is like “Change” or “Hope” or “Freedom” or “Travel”. It sounds specific, but it’s not. It can mean any number of things to different people. I could just as easily describe myself as a “Freedom Fighter” or a “Change Artist” or a “Master of Hope” and still have it mean all the things “Lifestyle Designer” meant to me, whatever that was.

And that’s the problem. “Lifestyle Design” saved me the trouble of having to look inside myself and define who I am and what I want. I don’t mean that in any kind of external way. I’ve done the dreamlines and all those sorts of planning worksheets, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about my core values. What am I interested in? In which way would I like for my peers to describe me? What qualities do I want to exude? How will I measure the success of my relationships with others?

The Sort of Thing All the Bloggers are Raving About

I used to work at a hospital as a housekeeper. That was my official title. Housekeeper. I’ve hated that job so much that I’ve never even been comfortable revealing everything about it. (I usually just tell people I was a janitor.) To me, it was demeaning work that elicited not a single ounce of pride. I felt used. I carried out trash and washed toilets, waited for a placenta to be cut up so I could take it to the Bio-Hazardous Waste Room. I packed used needles and was accidentally exposed to Tuberculosis at least once (as far as I know). And that black, syrupy charcoal that the drug overdosers vomited up all over the floor? I dabbed it up on my hands and knees using a countless number of towels. (That stuff is tricky.)

While working at the hospital I started reading several blogs. Freelancing blogs and location independent blogs and blogging blogs. They gave me hope. They represented the sort of life I wanted. Or at least that I thought I wanted.

After six months, I wanted out of the hospital. I wanted the lifestyle that all the bloggers were raving about. I wanted to work from anywhere and to work as a freelancer and to do things I actually enjoyed.

And that’s what I set out to do. I quit.

The Problem Looking Back

Looking back, I’m still not sure what I think about that decision. On the one hand, I’m glad that I was able to do something that, at the time, was incredibly ballsy and out of character for me. But on the other hand, I’m sure I did it for all the wrong reasons.

I’d always heard pretty negative things about my generation, that we want something for nothing, that we choose a social life over a work life, that we have a false sense of entitlement. I shook these criticisms off of me and honestly believed they were ill-informed. My decision, at least, seemed to be based on the fact that my parents sacrificed their lives for soulless work that seemed to get them nowhere. At least that’s what you’d have to assume if you heard all their complaining.

As a newly ordained adult, I was sure I didn’t want that for myself. And I still think this is a very good point. But I went about it all the wrong way. I never considered that it might be a problem with my attitude or with my work ethic. I’m sure that I didn’t want to live my life taking out garbage, but those six months would have been a lot nicer had I not felt the work was beneath me.

In general, I agree that quite a few people in my generation are afflicted with a false sense of entitlement, a lack of discipline and a poor worth ethic, starting with me first and foremost.

Finding the Core

So, now I’m here examining my motives and what I really want and I think it’s time to go back and start from square one.

Right now I’m a freelance web designer. For people unfamiliar with the field, let me explain it this way. I act as a mouse in Photoshop for people who don’t know how to use Photoshop. It’s not glamorous or respectable. Don’t get me wrong. Most clients aren’t so terrible, but the ones who are really drain any pride I might have ever gotten from the work I do.

What I crave is respect as an artist. I don’t want to be an engineer or a support team or a programmers or a sales representative. Those things don’t suit me. I want to be an artist. What I crave is to be a traveler. Not a nomad. I don’t want to hop the globe indefinitely. I just want to be able to go where I want when I want without regard to money or work. What I crave is to be debt free and to answer to only those I choose to associate with.

That’s my core.

As you can see it’s not actually practical. It’s just a list of things I want to do but not how I plan to do them. Now that I know the core I can plan it out as such:

1. Develop Discipline
Before I can move on, I have to admit that I haven’t given discipline the value it deserves. I mistakenly dismissed it “forcing yourself to do things you hate.” This definition is only half accurate, though. Discipline would better be defined as ignoring what you want now for a greater reward later. This is something I sorely lack. I need to be more resolute in my actions and I need to start taking my life more seriously.

2. Be Respected as an Artist
I’ve always loved animation and 3D animation in particular. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t regard an animator as an artist and it’s something I’d really like to pursue and to excel in. This summer I plan on starting an online course at www.animationmentor.com.

3. Be Able to Travel/Be Debt Free
These go hand-in-hand as my primary reasons for not traveling is a lack of money and my primary reason for debt is a lack of money. I’m pretty much set on abandoning freelancing. I don’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I’m not ditching it right away though. I’m going to slowly phase it out as I introduce some other projects. Currently I’m working on my first two information products (a weight loss ebook and a web design video course) and I hope to have introduced three or four products by July. I’m planning for these products to eventually be my primary source of income as I enjoy making them I won’t have to be involved as much as with freelancing.

So this is where I’m at this year. This is how my 2010 started. I just have these need for change and correction. How is the year going for you? Are you being true to yourself?

Related posts

1. Lifestyle Design is Dead
2. The Architect and the Slave
3. Lifestyle Design is Still Alive
4. Five Things Lifestyle Designers Should Be Thankful For Today
5. Lifestyle Design for Normal People: Four Baby Steps Toward Absolute Freedom