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Wage Slave Rebel Dispatch
Minimizing Your Chances Lost
In the months leading up to my departure from my last “real” job, there were a handful of daydreams that sustained me hour after miserable hour. These were things that I thought of almost constantly, things that helped me escape from my present circumstances and things to look forward to. Did I really believe I’d be able to experience them? At the time, absolutely not. If I had known then how completely possible all my “crazy” aspirations were, I might not have lost a chance and gained a regret last Thursday.
The most vivid of my daydreams involved an unusually liberated version of myself hitchhiking or driving or flying to New York and sitting in on an intimate jam session at a small jazz club on Broadway. I had heard many years ago that, despite his advanced age, Les Paul — inventor, engineer and jazz guitarist — still played music every Monday night at the Iridium. All the time I would think to myself or tell others that once I finally got away I’d be in New York sipping Merlot and taking in a beautiful improvised melody.
Once I finally escaped the monotony of the corporate world, hearing Les Paul play in person became the number one item on a vague and informal bucket list and, sadly, remained there until last Thursday when the news broke that Les Paul had died battling pneumonia at the ripe old age of 94. When I heard that I was crushed, but even more I was regretful.
Even having liberated myself, laziness and procrastination and fear kept me from doing what I always dreamed of. It reminded me of a part in Paulo Coelho’s book “The Alchemist”. It’s not the most detailed memory, so if you’ve read the book and it’s a little off, try not to blame me too much. This part I remember went something like this…
A boy happened upon a rundown crystal shop in an almost deserted village and speaks to the owner. The owner describes the shop in its prime, people making detours from trade routes just to visit his shop and buy his beautiful crystals. The owner then goes on to describe his dreams and that he’s always wanted to make the journey to Mecca, but he can’t afford it. The boy offers to help the man with his crystal shop and proves to be a very talented salesman. Within a year, the store has exploded in popularity. People come from far and wide to buy his precious crystals.
When the time comes to make the journey to Mecca, the boy asks the owner if he’ll finally go. The owner declines. He’s too afraid. He tells the boy that some things are meant to be dreams, that without them we’d never get through the day.
We need unreachable dreams to make it through the day.
I’ve always felt like this kind of idea was absolute bullshit. That’s because it is. We get too afraid. We are too afraid to live wonderful lives, to be happy, to embrace mystery, to fail like the greatest, to be remarkable. We are afraid that the dreams we’ll reach won’t be the dreams we want. We don’t want to do the things we want to do partly because we are cowards and partly because we fear that the experience won’t be nearly as good as we’ve made it in our heads.
I decided subconsciously that a jazz club in New York could never be better than the experience I’d created in my head and then I used that as an excuse to keep from even trying to reach it. Your goal should not be to have perfectly planned experiences. That’s absolute nonsense. Your goal should be a path of peculiarity and a beautifully crafted living narratives.
Go. Start now. What is that one thing you always wanted to do that you still haven’t done? Make that your focus… make your plans… experience it.
I’ve lost my Mecca. Don’t lose yours.
Photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonythemisfit/ / CC BY 2.0
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That is pretty powerful stuff J.D.
Do we need unreachable dreams to make it through the day? I think in some ways we do. I always say that the times in my life that I enjoyed the most were when I was the poorest and working crazy long hours. I can now afford to buy and do almost anything I want, but I am bored. That is why I am giving up this life for a chance to do something different.
Once you start accomplishing your goals, then what? You either need to keep aiming for higher and higher goals to keep you motivated or you need to keep some unreachable dreams. Obligations tend to push us towards safer choices. As we age and get more responsibilities, big dreams carry too big of a risk. It is easy for a single twenty something to give up everything and travel the world, because they have nothing to lose and lots of time to start over. However, what about the 45 year old with two kids in school and a decent business that has taken many years to establish. Giving everything up to chase a dream is a pretty heavy price to pay, that is why so many just opt for the Harley motorcycle for sports car.
Great food for thought here! Thanks for this.
I've known the motorcycle and sports car types. In my experience, they live pretty pathetic lives. I get what you are saying about aiming higher and higher and that's not really what I was disagreeing with. I was disagreeing with the idea that truly essential dreams be put on an untouchable shelf so a person can maintain the motivation they need to sustain their mediocrity. Having kids and a well-established business could have been this essential dream for the 45 year old. What I'm against is this 45 year old never making the jump to entrepreneurship.
I know it wasn't a very articulate response but I'm not saying people need to abandon responsibilities to do what they want to do. Just that they shouldn't use the "it's just a crazy dream" excuse to avoid doing things that are very possible.
Very powerful! I particularly like this: "Your goal should not be to have perfectly planned experiences. Thats absolute nonsense. Your goal should be a path of peculiarity and a beautifully crafted living narratives." I think that, while holding a specific goal in mind can be very motivating, sometimes it can cause us to be a bit limited in our thinking and a bit controlling, cutting off the possibilities as we try to eliminate uncertainty or disappointment.
Exactly! I've found that it's much better to maintain a loose outline of what you want to do and save the detailed planning for the immediate future. No one knows what awesome opportunities might come up and if you are too focused on a particular outcome you could miss them.
"I’ve always felt like this kind of idea was absolute bullshit. That’s because it is."
I agree with you totally, JD. As Wallace Wattles puts it, "A desire to do (a thing) is proof that you have within you the power which can do it."
Great post. I recently learned a few lessons on my road trip, but the ones I learned since returning are more powerful and I am writing a post about one of them today. Life is a series of lessons learned, to the say the least.
I love that quote. More people need to see that quote and it's actually pretty inspiring for me. I'm just now experimenting with building a business (as opposed to freelancing) and it's quite tough to find the right ideas and right products and to market them in the right way. It's all trial and error, but it's great to know that even if something difficult seems impossible, the very existence of the desire means you can do it. Thanks, Rasheed!
You're welcome, my friend. I posted 13 of my favorite quotes on my blog last week. This one is the first one.
This is a great post! I had this same feeling once. I worked in a cube 8-4 monday through friday. I would search the internet and joke with everyone everyday. I am was still productive at my job but, like you, had plenty of daydream time. I had gone to Aussie in 2005 and always wanted to try and move there. So finally I decided in 2008 that I was going to do it. I set myself up financially over 6 months and when i told my boss and coworkers they thought I was crazy. I knew that leaving a stable job in March 2009 wasn't the best career move but the greatest life move. Wouldn't give this opportunity back if I had the opportunity too. I ended up only staying in Aussie for 3 months but I tried it and will never regret. I hope everyone does as I do and take the leap of faith towards life.
GREAT POST AGAIN!
Dave
LifeExcursion
Great job, Dave!
You are absolutely right. The first step to any change, specially meaningful change is making the decision. Most people never make the decision. They stay stuck in I'd love to / wish I could land.
Congratulations on your decision and move to Aussie. I would love to talk to some more about what you do and your trip down under.
Rasheed
Like everyone else who has commented so far, I got a lot out of this post, J.D.
I wanted to add, too, that I find the best way to avoid the paralysis that comes from having a dream that seems like it could never be reality is to not romanticize a situation too much. I've had dreams like the one that you described that have turned out to be incredibly boring in real life, only to have a pit stop on the way home turn out to be a wonderful adventure.
I've come to live for these small, unexpected dreamlike situations a whole lot more than anything I could plan. And you know what? The best way to come across them is to just take advantage of situations that present themselves, do things you think might be fun and not be too disappointed if they don't turn out exactly the way you thought they would.
Sounds mighty stoic of me, I know, but then I guess I'm kind of a stoic
Nothing wrong with being a stoic. That's what I was trying to get at! Not romanticizing a dream to the point it could never live up to your expectations. After all I think that's what kept me from doing it, that I had planned every move and every single event that would happen and that if I did go to the club and it didn't happen in that exact way, I would be more than likely disappointed. I was afraid of breaking this romanticized ideal so I never did it. I'd much rather have been bored and done it than to have never gotten the chance though.