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Wage Slave Rebel Dispatch
Diary of a Wage Slave Rebel: Why I Killed Myself
I don’t deal with criticism well. There are a few examples of this around the internet.*
It’s not that I’m blindly incapable of self-critique. I struggle to see the good in my performances most nights. I have struggled for years to learn to be gracious in those instances when a crowd thought my set was great, and I thought it was absolute and utter rubbish. I’m the first one to hate what I do. But when someone else calls me out, right or not, my first reaction is “Yeah? Well let’s hear your masterpiece, then. Perhaps you’d like to come up on stage and take a crack at it?“
It’s shameful, really.
Worse, it inevitably digresses into pointing out spelling & grammar errors (which, in my mind, works much like an attourney destroying a character witness. In the minds of others, however, it works much like a Star Wars fan explaining the difference between a Sith Lord and a Darth.)**
Why do I do this?
Either the critics are wrong (so who cares?) or they are right (so pay attention and fix it), but why the attitude?
I think I am discovering the answer.
We feel defined by what we do.
It’s logical, isn’t it? To be truly great, by the measuring stick of history, we must do something with such a degree of skill that it is impervious to criticism. Michael Jordan’s basketball game might have had a flaw here or there, but who’s going to call him out on it? Not this guy. Surely Michaelangelo made a wrong stroke over the course of his lifetime, but should anyone say a word, he could just point upward: “I dipinti della Cappella Sistina. E voi siete uno stupido capra.”***
I believe we who are self-employed are even more prone to this feeling of definition-by-accomplishment. I don’t remember the little mess-ups here and there from my days at a 9-to-5. It wasn’t my company, not my passion, not my idea. But once I began making music and began to develop my own business models and ideas, it became very important to me that it succeed. This was my idea, my baby, my dream. If the crowd stood and applauded, then I was responsible. If I hit a wrong note or they just weren’t feeling it, it was a direct reflection on my abilities me.
This week I feel like I finally turned the proverbial corner in overcoming this problem. I had recorded the first song from my new subscription-based album and I got so excited that it was “done” that I posted it.
A couple of days later, the guy who played drums on it sent me a very kind but very bluntly honest e-mail about the mix. I won’t post the whole thing, but the word “amateur” was used.
My first reaction was “AMATEUR?! YEAH WELL LET’S HEAR YOU… Do …better…” but then I realized. He did do better. His drum parts were immaculate. Not only that, he is a pretty well-known drummer. He’s earned the right to be heard. So I swallowed my pride and listened again. And wouldn’t you know: he was right.
It messed up the marketing scheme a little to have to wait 2 more days to get the REAL final mix, but it was worth it. It sounded worlds better.
I’m not saying that every misspelled youtube commenter is going to have pearls of wisdom that you should listen to. In fact, 99% of the time, I’m right in assuming that it’s some 15-year old kid who still hasn’t quite mastered the barre chords for that Panic at the Disco song. (nor can he spell “barre chords”)
What I am saying is this: work with people you trust. People who have your back (it’s a lonesome thing to feel that you’re the only one who cares about making your work great.) Work with people who are not afraid to tell you that your latest design / newest song / great business idea is not as great as it could be. Or worse, it’s terrible and needs to be scrapped altogether. That’s something you can’t always trust yourself to do.
When we allow ourselves to be free from being defined by the product of our work, we free ourselves to take a step back from it and accept honest instruction without getting our feelings hurt. It’s not an easy thing to learn, but when you see the final result, you’ll wish you’d done it earlier.
*I couldn’t even find the best one: I re-recorded my version of radiohead’s “Idioteque” using screeching falsetto and letting the dog howl into the microphone after someone posted a comment saying my voice wasn’t “weird” enough to cover radiohead.
**Please do not e-mail me explaining the difference. I have made it twenty-odd years without knowing, and I fear the burden of such knowledge would send me into a certain and severe depression.
***Nor do I really wish to be hassled about my terrible Italian. The truth is, I do not speak Italian, despite years of service at an Italian restaurant. If you must complain, please e-mail the fine people at http://www.wordmonkey.info .
Related posts
- Diary of a Wage Slave Rebel: The Truth About Working For Yourself
- Diary of a Wage Slave Rebel: On Tour
- Diary of a Wage Slave Rebel: From a Starbucks in Portland
- Diary of a Wage Slave Rebel: Lessons from the Road
- Diary of a Wage Slave Rebel: How to Disregard the Safe and Certain and Almost Go To Jail… (Twice) – Part 1
I think the key is finding people capable of giving good criticism. Most people are low in the talent department but have no shortage of opinions. Listening to anonymous comments is a sure way to destroy self-esteem, but if you can find people who truly know more than you, it can pay to hold back the natural urge to defend yourself.
It is not what is said, who says it is most important.
you're absolutely correct. if anyone else had said the same things my drummer said, I'd have ignored them (even if they were right!).
"Listening to anonymous comments is a sure way to destroy self-esteem…" <- that's a freaking true statement if ever i've heard one.
You have to be very selective with the people whose opinion you are going to value. Some idiot on a youtube post probably doesn't have anything to say that will improve your work as an artist. But, I am sure that you have people in your life that you do trust and who can give you some sound criticism and advice. I would say to seek these people out. Ask them for their opinion. I think if you do that you will come out with much better results, and much less frustration (like trying to re-record "Idioteque" with your dog because of some dumb comment).
agreed. you can't just value everyone's opinions equally, that would be a jumbled mess.
Choose your critics wisely and listen. The rest is just white noise which will get in the way of listening to yourself.
I love this advice. It's absolutely true. Maybe this deserves a followup post on how to choose your critics? That seems like a pretty tough subject.
i think i'm up to the challenge.
stay tuned next week.
The earnestness, honesty, and passion of your personality are what make your music so great. If you lacked those, you'd find it much easier to respond blithely to criticism, and much harder to write anything worth hearing.
Am I correct in assuming that this article is a commitment of sorts to keep yourself humble to legitimate critique? If so, that's rather courageous.
I can't offer you any wisdom, but only join the blended chorus of your fans who love your music (and you, by obvious extension) as they are – genuine and beautiful.
Thanks for sharing yourself with us.
i don't know if this article is necessarily that commitment, but it's something that I've been mulling over for a long time. So yes. the commitment is there.
Ego and pride, and I'm guilty of it. We create things, and love them because it is us in our writing,music, art. We look at it, see faults,belittle it, but those critisms are said to put ourselves down before someone else can. We want someone to go against our perceptions,smile and stroke our egos. We didn't need to put ourselves down in the first place! However, when they agree that our creation is lacking our worse fears are realized, and then get defensive. Even in our personalities, it is easier to hear faults when we are listening to the person we are falling in love with, over a parent that has been saying it over and over. I think the trick to find a way to distance ourselves from the situation. If we stop becoming over identified, than we are able to stand back and truly see.
PART TWO ( couldn't fit it all in one..doh) Levi, I actually had to do that with your new music. I was anxious to hear your new material and then when you released it I just turned it off and said " I don't like it." The only one I really enjoyed was the …well you know which one. Then I stood back and remembered the fact that I always feel like this after a great C.D, and new material always grows on me and I soon love it. I was overly attached to your previous music and needed to give the new demo's a CHANCE. Now I like it. How is your ego taking that? Lol
ha! i LOVE it. I struggle with that very thing. Maybe it's part of the reason it took me so long to write another album. I identified myself with the last album just like I identified other bands with certain albums of theirs. OK Computer was one of my favorite albums, and I didn't get "Kid A" the first time I heard it, but I knew I liked radiohead, so I gave it a second and third listen until finally I got it.
a lot of my favorite albums are that way. Didn't get it quite, the first time. But I gave it a second or third listen.
That's one of the few downsides I see to the ultra-availability of music on the internet today. Those albums got those second and third listens because I invested money in them, so darn it, I don't want to feel ripped off. Now if I don't like it on the first listen, it's rare that it gets that second chance.
(don't get me wrong, there's a lot of good about the "new" music industry, but that is a downfall)
above all – thanks for sticking with it. : )
I like how you say the key is having people around you that you can trust. It takes a lot to actually get those good, quality people in place, but it ends up paying off because you can trust their feedback. I think dealing with criticism well also has to do with the level of insecurity someone has. I find that when I am having a confident, awesome day, it doesn't matter much what criticism I hear. It just rolls off. But, if you catch me on a weak, insecure day, the criticism can sting much more. I love the famous saying that I try to use whenever I have someone criticize me, "Consider the source."
(Your music is quite good, too. I'm listening to it on myspace, right now.)
Karen
thanks! see? now that is exactly the kind of thing I would rather hear. : )
p.s. checkitout – i learned how to get an avatar!
Just another hidden talent you have there. LOL
Your observation that self-employed people define themselves by achievement was so true!
I hadn't thought of it before, but when I was a wage slave, I was defined by my job title. Now that I'm self-employed, it's all about what I can or have achieved. Much more pressure!
Great post!
thanks! it was a huge revelation when it occurred to me. I just happened upon another great talk loosely related to the subject:
http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_gen…
I really appreciate all of you for sharing such excellent thoughts.
i appreciate you reading them and thinking they are excellent. pass 'em on?